I had waited days to write this. Some days I knew what to write, I just did want to apply the energy to do it. I knew the day would come but i did know that this would be the way to express how i feel about it. I asked my Professor if i could make this entry personal. I am dedicating it to someone. I thank him for allowing me to express myself in this class, work of art and this specific entry. This was something on my mind and on my heart that was daring to be written. I want the world to know about someone special in my life. I wish grandparents could live forever. These past few days have drawn me closer to my grandmother.
I never thought I would be carrying my grandmother around in my arms in the same manner that she carried me as a young child. She is so very light that I could bench press her if I wanted to. However with all the sickness happening inside her body, her sweet and genuine soul still lies in there. Every moment I look into her eyes or hear her voice, I don’t take it for granted. For one day, there will come a time when I can’t. This applies to every special soul in my life.
The love that she has for everyone is still in there. The same person that i can hold conversations with, that i wish i could hold with my own mother, is still there. Someone that goes through anything terrible in this life and still chooses to remain kind is strong. I was just informed that she has Stage 4 Kidney failure. I already knew that she had heart failure. “She is tough ” is all I keep saying to myself. I know that there are more tough individuals along our bloodline because of her as well.
I have been looking after my grandmother since the day I stepped foot in Georgia ,upon arriving home from College in Kansas. She was in and out of the hospital while I was deployed to Afghanistan. She was in and out of the Hospital while I was in college. I knew something was not right. Yet my family members would not tell me to keep me from worrying because I was away ranging from thousands of miles away from her. Yet I already know this game of life and how it works. We are like the pawns on a chess board. With life comes death of course!
Some of us are fortunate to be blessed with healthy limbs but over time it will fade away. What was once new will one day become old. Everyday I clean her apartment up as if no one ever lived there before. I prepare her laundry in the old fashion way she loves. I washed her bed sheets and prepared her bed for when she returned from the hospital. As I sat across the table from her after she told me, “You made my bed up so beautifully.” I smiled at her.
While grandma was resting, I had a special talk with my aunt, Sonya Mitchell. She has always been the optimistic child growing up around her mother. She said, “Momo is tough. If you knew how much that woman has gone through. I get emotional talking about it. She is strong. That is the Boyd family blood in her.”
In these moments, I am doing everything that she loves. I am repaying my Grandma back with all the time that we lost that we could’ve spent together. Distance is what kept us apart now and it kept us apart when i was a child. But now God has allowed me to be closer to her in her last days and moments here. I pray that when she leaves this world, she will remember me and the last moments that we had together.
When everyone else had lives and I had a life as well, but i chose to include her in my plans 7 days a week. I chose to stay. I train, I do homework, I drill, but most importantly I take care of my grandmother. Grandma was another reason why I decided to come back to college. I want her to see me make it, after all of the odds she knows about, were set against me in this life.
I remember telling her before she started getting sick ,”I will not and can not fail. I will succeed.” I want her to see her driven grand-daughter succeed. If it’s the Lord’s will, Hopefully she will still be here to see me walk across that graduation stage in 2022. Sterling College will have a seat available for her. Even though she will probably never see this that i had written, i just wanted to say, “ I love you mo-mo. I always have and I always will sweetheart.”